Saturday, August 04, 2007

Turtlegirl76 and The Bloody Finger: A Cautionary Tale

So one Friday a knitter named Aimee* went to a knitter named Cristi's* house for an evening of beer, nachos and knitting. Not really in that order. When Aimee arrived, Cristi was pruning her bearded irises because, well, it was time and her family is coming next week. Cristi was doing this as quickly as possible because 1) it was hotter than hell out, 2) there was knitting to be done and 3) she had no beer.

Aimee went upstairs to put her knitting bag down and grab a couple beers. She pet Calvin and Ripple and then went to the kitchen for beer. Meanwhile, Cristi is busy pruning away. Suddenly, Cristi is in the kitchen holding her hand. She has cut her finger. Let's rephrase. She has attempted to sever her finger with a pair of pruning sheers.

Aimee looks at it with her. They put pressure on it. They put peroxide on it. Aimee calls her mom to see if they should take her to have it looked at. Mom says to do that if it won't stop bleeding. It stops. Cristi goes out to clean up the clippings and decides to cut some more plants. Her finger begins to bleed again. Once again the bleeding is finally stopped with the discovery of some of that second skin bandage stuff applied.

Dinner and beer are had. Dr. Who is watched. Finger bleeds some more. Aimee suggests having it looked at, however it is too late to do anything but go to the ER. Cristi declines the ER saying she feels stupid going to the ER. The finger throbs. Aimee suggests taking some ibuprofen. Cristi takes 3 motrin. With beer.

The finger develops its own personality. Bloody Finger. Bloody Finger talks and tells you to do things. Aimee suggests that Cristi put a regular band-aid OVER the gushy looking second skin stuff (which has now been changed once and is now the finger sized kind) because yarn shops won't let you touch yarn with Bloody Finger.

Cristi drives to DC. Bloody Finger is semi-gushy. Bloody Finger continues to bleed. Pam, who is sheltering Cristi in DC for the night, sees Bloody Finger. Cristi finally breaks down and goes to an Urgent Care where they tell her they can't do anything anyway because it has been over 24 hours. She just has to live with her new friend: Bloody Finger. Pam takes Cristi to a pub for beer and to hang out with a doctor friend who they will make look at it. Although he is only an anesthesiologist.

Aimee encourages her to talk to people with Bloody Finger and in the Bloody Finger voice which came out the night before thereby cementing Cristi as single for another night.

Lucky for Cristi, this happened to her left ring finger. She is an English style knitter so this doesn't affect her knitting really. Unless Bloody Finger is actively bleeding and no one wants blood on their knitting.

Moral #1: When using sharp objects make sure your fingers are out of the way before cutting.
Moral #2: When you are still bleeding 4 hours later and your friend says - hey, lets go to the ER - GO! She is wise in the ways of injuring herself and is willing to sit with you while you wait.
Moral #3: WTF are you doing yard work for when there is knitting to be done??? When there is knitting to be done, well, you should do it.
Moral #4: Never EVER do anything that could endanger your knitting. This includes housework and laundry.
Moral #5: If you are going to do serious damage to your hand, make sure you do it to a part that doesn't interfere with your knitting and on your non-dominant for knitting hand.

Five morals sounds good enough really.

Nope: One more. Moral #6: When your injury gets its own personality, you should worry both about your sanity as well as the sanity of your friend who is now speaking to you in the Bloody Finger Voice.

I would show you pictures, but really I promise that you don't want to see them.

*The names in this story have not been changed because no one is innocent.

6 comments:

Virtuous said...

LOL funny storytelling and love Moral #4! :oD I live by it almost daily!!

And this is the one time I appreciate that there aren't any pics on your blog!! ;op

I am assuming the non-innocent Cristi is doing fine! BTW when is her birthday again? I know it is very soon!

turtlegirl76 said...

August 10th.

And that, my friend, is the most hilarious blog entry EVER!

You'll be happy to know that bloody finger is no longer bloody an appears to be healing. Bloody finger is wearing a regular bandaid now.

Zonda said...

Great story!! Hehe!! She shoulda listened to you! Glad to have found your blog! :)

Jeanne said...

Oh, come on, I want video so I can hear Bloody Finger's voice! ;-) Very funny story! I'm headed over to Cristi's blog to commiserate.

Michelle said...

HILARIOUS!!! That's all I can say!

weezalana said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's funny how stories like this always seem to start out with, "So, I was going to get some beer..." ;)